My Life Today

I know that this photo is a few years old, however, it's one of the nicer photos I have of me. These days you could say that I am a busy person. I am a full-time college student. This May I will be graduating from college with my 2nd degree. I have an AA (Associate in Arts) degree that I obtained in 2011. I also spent a year at a local university pursuing a teaching degree (which I still have every intention on completing). I set that degree aside and went back to the community college to finish out a degree I began in 2008 when I first started. This May I will have an AAS (Associate in Applied arts and Sciences) in the Administrative field. I have also made the Dean's List/Honor Roll a few times during these years.

I waited 6yrs after graduating HS before I went to college. I had always wanted to go to college, however, I struggled to graduate from HS because some of the classes were ones I had to take and I did not really understand them, I was not interested in them and also I had a major surgery my senior year that caused me to miss school for 2 weeks. I fell behind in this particular class and by the grace of God I was able to graduated with 4 extra credits due to the Work/Study program in my HS where I would get 4 credits for the class and 4 credits for having a job while in school. This program literally saved my butt so I could graduate on time...I had this fear that if I struggled to graduate HS, then I would surely struggle and fail out of college; so I headed out into the work force right out of HS and worked full time for 6yrs. I came to the realization that I did not want to be working retail jobs for the rest of my life making between 8-9 dollars an hour. There had to be something more to life, there had to be something better that school could offer me...So I made the choice to enroll in college and leave my retail job of 5yrs. It was the BEST decision I ever made in my life. I watched my parents struggle with money and live paycheck to paycheck and I did not want that life. I wanted to have a better job, and life for my kids in the future...Yes, there were times I struggled with classes in college and there's probably about a grand of money I essentially wasted by withdrawing from a few courses over my 6yrs of college, but I still would not change it for anything.

Most people cringe at taking out loans for school. I did too. I did not like the fact of going into debt just to get a college education. I struggled with this part throughout my college years as I do not like borrowing money from people or owing people things. I soon realized that if I was going to go to college full-time, there would be sacrifices along the way...I have lived on my own pretty much since I was 17 with the exception of 2yrs when I had to move back home with my parents while attending college. I have had my latest apartment for almost 3yrs and I love living on my own. I knew that I would need help with loans to pay for college tuition and my living expenses with giving up my job, so I took out loans to help cover my rent while I found a part-time job. Over the last year, I came to the realization that yes, college is expensive and there are sacrifices you make along the way; however, the sacrifices are worth it in the end. I figure money is a material thing, it can be replaced...Even if it takes me until I am an 80yr old woman to pay off my loans (which this is an exaggeration but you know what I mean) then I will make that investment in my life to push me towards a better and brighter future.

When I am not spending my time in school and doing homework, I tend to spend a lot of time with my family. These days my relationships with my family are slowly getting better and since I am an Auntie (both my sisters have kids), I get to spend a lot of my free time hanging out with my nieces and nephew. I also have 3 "little peoples" (kids) that I absolutely love with all my heart. They are not my kids biologically, however, one of my close friends (who I first met at the age of 13), she has 3 beautiful children and I have been a part of these kids lives since the day the oldest was born. They have called me "Mama Melissa" many times in the past and I know they see me as their 2nd Mom. I spend time with these little loves as well. All of these kids have a huge piece of my heart with their names on it and I would not change that kind of love for anything in this world. They inspire me to keep going and they give me the courage to fight through hard times. I love each and every one of you. :)

As an adult I do have many great friends. I do not have a ton of friends; I have a hard time trusting people and openly letting them into my life as I have been extremely burned before in the past. I do have a select few friends who are very close to me and could probably tell you just about anything you would ever want to know about me and my life. The extent of my bullying experiences, I do not think even the person who knows me the best knew about it in this depth. It's not something you go around publicizing though, so it would make sense that she did not know about the extent of my bullying. I have made many friends through college and I think these women/men are some of the most awesome people I have had the chance to meet through school. Thank you to each and every one of you who I have met through school or reconnected with at school. You all are awesome! :)

Music is still a huge part of my life these days. It is my all in all go to thing to change my mood or give me that little extra bit of energy or inspiration I need. If you find me at school sitting in the commons doing homework, you will see me with my laptop, ear buds plugged in and jamming out to music (which people look at you weird if you are jamming to a song while slightly bouncing in your chair :). I have got to have music when doing homework or really anything. I cannot sit in utter silence that long as it drives me nuts most of the time. Don't get me wrong, when I have been around noise and kids all day, I do enjoy a little time in silence to unwind and regroup, but for the most part complete silence drives me nuts. 

I created this blog after being inspired to do something when I saw my 7yr old niece Chloe being bullied. She would get bullied by this little boy on her bus who would hit, kick and slap her. There were a few times I was at my sister's house and we would get Chloe off the bus and she would be crying because this boy hit her, kicked her in the stomach or whatever...There was a day when she got off the bus and bypassed my sister and ran straight into my arms crying. That day, this boy had either punched or kicked her in the stomach and she could not catch her breath...There was another time when I was at my sister's and these girls who live in her building were being mean to Chloe. Chloe has ADHD and at times can get a bit rowdy...But this particular day, this little girl had punched Chloe in the eye and later on that day after telling my sister what happened, this girl proceeded to slap Chloe on the ribs, slap her face and pull her hair...My sister was pissed and had enough when telling this girl initially that it's not okay to hit Chloe and she needed to be nice to her otherwise they could not play together anymore...Well, clearly this girl did not listen, so after Chloe came back the 2nd time in tears and having marks on her ribs (which we took pictures of and reported it to the police), Heather decided she needed to talk to this girls' dad and let him know what was going on...Heather went to speak to this girl's dad while I stayed with Chloe and I guess the dad got pissed at Heather and got in her face and started screaming at her. He said that he really was not going to do anything to punish this girl for hurting Chloe and that Heather needed to leave now...Not sure if there was anything going on with that girl at home in terms of abuse or anything, but the dad refused to do anything about what his daughter did. Heather left and came back to tell me and I got very upset about that. I did not understand how parents think it's okay that their children behave that way and do nothing to punish their children when their children are bullying others...Maybe it's how we were raised as we got in trouble when my sisters and I would hit or throw things at each other. Watching my niece go through this was very heartbreaking knowing exactly how she felt because I lived with bullying too...So Chloe even at the tender age of 7yrs old, has been my inspiration to create this blog and bring awareness to how bad bullying is and that no matter what someone does to you, it is NEVER okay to bully or be physically violent towards another person.

This is a recent photo of Chloe. She inspired me to write this blog, so honey, this is for you. :)

To my "Chunky Monkey Bear",

You are extremely special to Auntie. You have inspired me to write this blog because it broke my heart to see you being picked on and hurt by kids who you play with and who are supposed to be your friends. I know you are too young to know this, but Auntie was bullied too, and I know how much it hurts your feelings and hurts your body when someone hits, kicks, slaps and pulls your hair. Auntie is here to tell you that I love you so very much! We all love you. You are a very strong, beautiful, loving, caring, and generous person. I see you share your toys and even give your toys away to your friends because you have such a caring heart...Mommy and I have told you a few times that you cannot just give all of your stuff away because then you will not have anything to play with and you always say with a smile on your face "It's okay, I want to and I have enough stuff anyway, so they can have it". You have such a caring heart and I admire that about you. I see that you love life, and are so nice to everyone you meet. Thank you for showing Auntie how to be strong and to keep going even when you feel like quitting. I love you so much my "Chunks". You showed Auntie how to be a strong person, so now I am being strong for you and for all the kids who have ever gotten bullied by someone else. Keep doing well in school as I know you love school, keep smiling and yes, you can still whip my butt at jamming out to Justin Bieber! :) I love you lots honey and just keep being you. :)

Love you always,

Auntie 'Lissa :)

Fight or Flight

Wouldn't it be awesome if we were able to fly free into the sky like a bird? No matter what was happening in our lives at that moment, to be able to just take off and soar above the clouds...I know that there are a lot of people who believe in reincarnation. I stand on mutual ground with this belief as I am not sure if I quite believe in it; however, I suppose it could be possible. I have thought about this concept a lot over the years and I thought that if this could be possible, then I would want to be reincarnated as a bird after I pass on from this wonderful world. To be able to just take off and soar through the sky, feeling ever so free and taking in all the beauty of the world around me. Yeah, if reincarnation exists and I believed it to be true, this is what my reincarnation would be...

I was faced with the choice of Fight or Flight. Starting high school at a completely separate school from the middle school girls was the best reassurance I had walking into the first day of my 9th grade year. At 14yrs old, you do not have much of a concept of why things happen in life, and why people do the things they do. For this 14yr old Freshmen, I tried desperately to understand all of what happened over the last two years but I kept coming back to the same conclusion...There was something wrong with these girls, not me.

My first day of high school was terrifying not because of potential bullies as I "knew" that they were all at a different high school and not here with me. I got lost probably 50 times the first day in my high school because it was so huge. Two buildings connected by two sky ways and each building had 3 floors of classrooms. Each hallway looked like the other and I could not find my way to my homeroom. I was a nervous wreck, who was beginning to have a panic attack as I was so overwhelmed and worked up over being in such a big place and getting lost was inevitable.

I soon learned my way around this huge school and became quite comfortable with it's size and having to go from the top floor of one building to the top/bottom floor of the other for classes and having only 6 mins of passing time between classes. I'm here to tell you that school should really invest in escalators; as you get a calf and butt busting workout from merely treading stairs all day. :)

During my four years of high school, I did not have a car or a license, so I could not drive myself to school. My sister Miranda was a Sophomore and had just gotten her license and a car. She gave me a ride to school the first day of 9th grade, but aside from a couple other times, she drove herself to school and usually picked up friends for rides to school or brought them home after school. Essentially there was no room for me to ride with her when I did see her in school, otherwise she was basically MIA (missing in action) as I rarely saw her after school. Since I could not drive and I lived on the North side of town, I did not get bussed to school. I had to take the Metro Bus to and from school each day. The closest stop to my high school was 2 1/2 blocks from the school, so I would walk those blocks to and from school each day throughout those 4 years.

It was probably around October of my Freshmen year when this final incident occurred. It was the end of the school day and instead of making my two block journey to the bus stop, I was told by my sister that she was going to bring me home that day and to not ride the bus...I stood for about fifteen minutes on the front steps in front of the school waiting for Miranda to come pick me up...She left for school that morning when I left the house, so I knew she was at school (at least I thought she was). She had been at school but forgot to pick me up as I think she gave a few friends a ride home instead. Kids still did not have cell phones yet, although they were just hitting the market stream as the new accessory to have. After waiting those 15 minutes, I realized that she was not coming, so I made my trek to the bus stop hoping I could still make my normal bus and not get home later by having to wait for the next one.

As I began to walk, I saw two people walking slightly behind me. This was out of my peripheral vision, but I could still see two people walking with me, but I did not see who they were...I noticed they were keeping the same pace as I was and each time I sped up or stopped to do something, they would stop as well. They followed me for the first block, but when I hit the second block, I began to get curious as to who was following me? I looked over my shoulder and to my surprise there were two of the same middle school girls who helped torment me! How they got to the school and what they were there for, I have no idea as they did not attend my school but the one I did not want to go to.

I immediately turned away from them and bolted it towards the bus stop, thinking I could outrun them...I did for half of that last block, but they caught up to me. They caught me in the parking lot of the downtown Bremer Bank. It was the middle of the week and the parking lot still had quite a few cars in it. They made me walk in between two cars and proceeded to ask me all these random questions. My mind was racing, and answering irrelevant questions was the last thing I had the  energy to focus on answering at the moment...

I still never understood what I did to these other two girls who were a part of Sasha's groupie friends. These two girls did minor things to me in middle school, so as soon as I recognized who they were, I knew what they wanted...Me. Anyways, I don't remember the questions I was asked as my mind was a million miles away wishing I could get away from them. But one of the girls got upset with what I gave for an answer to her question as I think I said I didn't care about whatever she asked me or I was uninterested or something like that...Anyways, these girls Amy and Kayla started shoving me around between the two of them. After a few minutes of shoving me around, I asked them exactly what did I do for them to hate me so much and for them to pick on me so bad? They gave the usual answers like because I was ugly, I didn't have any friends, my clothes we cheap...You know things like that. They never did answer my question as to what I did to them that was so horrible to cause them to bully me.

Amy told me to do something or give her something, I think it was my money to ride the bus home? I told her no, that I needed it to get home with and I did not have any other money on me; just the $.75 it cost to ride the bus home. Both Amy and Kayla got mad at me for refusing to give up my bus money to them; so they proceeded to start slapping me. A slap across the face, a kick to the stomach and a shove and I was on the ground. Kayla took her foot and stepped on me, holding me with enough strength so I could not get off of the ground...All the while I am wondering why in the hell has no one from the bank or customers coming and going seen me and what was going on? Maybe someone did, I prayed someone would have seen what was going on but no one saw it, or at least came out to stop it if they had seen it...

I was on the ground, nearly hyperventilating and crying. I could not catch my breath and I started going into major panic mode. Amy told me the only way she would let me go with my bus money was if I would crawl over to her feet and kiss them! I thought, there is no way in hell I was going to do that. I was a person, I had feelings and I did not have to subject myself to that kind of humiliation for the sake of their twisted enjoyment! I told Amy "NO!, I will not kiss your feet, even if you beat the shit out of me, I will not kiss your feet"!

She said okay and proceeded to kick me again in the stomach and I was now curled up in the fetal position. She either slapped me again or scratched my face because I began to bleed a little from the side of my nose. No major bleeding, but it was enough to cause blood to drip from my nose. All the while, Kayla is now almost  sitting on top of me, making sure I don't wiggle loose and start running.

Amy asks me a final time if I want to go home...I look at her and think "No, I would rather let you sit her and kick the crap out of me all night, I just enjoy it!...Of course I want to go home, what kind of question is that? I nod my head and tell her yes. Amy looks at me and says "well, then you know what you need to do then don't you"? I reluctantly nod in agreement that I know I need to kiss her feet if I will have any chance of getting home. So, I tell her I will do it and I proceed to do so...It was the most humiliating thing I have ever had to deal with in my life at that time. Amy and Kayla kept their word about letting me go after I did that, and I ran as fast as I could to put as much distance between me and them as possible...

I did not take the bus home, I half ran, half walked home. I wondered why I never thought to scream to get someone's attention, but I think I was so consumed with fear and figuring out how to get out of this situation, that I was speechless I do believe...

I made it home in record time as I ran through back allies and along multiple side streets to get to my house. By this time; however I had been bleeding for my nose, it had stopped. I looked like I was sweating to death from running home. You could not tell that anything happened aside from my right cheek which was red and inflamed where I had gotten slapped. I did tell my parents what happened that I ran into these girls, but I did not tell them that I ever had to kiss Amy's feet just to get home...I do hope that Amy and Kayla learned that this type of behavior was not okay but I never saw them after that, so I can only hope they would know what they did was wrong, cruel and humiliating. Because it was one of the most humiliating things to have to do in your life as a teen.

I saved this story for last because it was the most vicious and cruel experience of bullying I have ever experienced. I hope these girls know how badly they hurt me and I hope they had some sort of remorse for their actions? This memory of that horrifying day will never go away and I have to carry that memory with me, but that's why I wanted to speak up about this issue and share my story with bullying. Your words and actions can either bless or harm someone. Choose them wisely, for you never know what the affects are on someone else...

Now that I have ran through all of my major experiences with bullying, I want to share a post about what my life is like today, what I have been up to and why I wanted to create this blog after witnessing my niece Chloe being bullied...Remember to comment or share your experiences with others if you want to.

Check back tomorrow for the update on what I am currently up to and what's going on in my life today. Thanks for reading and take care of each other. :)

~Melissa

Butterfly on the Wall

Many times in the course of my life I have heard people say "I wish I could be a fly on that wall". To be able to sit on a wall and hear what's really going on when you are not around. There were many times that I wished the same thing. The only difference is, I did not want to be a fly on the wall since I think flies are kind of gross. I wanted to be a butterfly. I have always loved butterflies. I think that they are one of the most whimsical, beautiful and free creatures in this great world of ours. I love them because they go from one stage in their lives to another through evolving from a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly. I had been in the middle of figuring some things out in my life; from puberty and getting my first period to figuring out who I was as a person.

Growing up I loved spending time with my grandparents and I was lucky enough to have my great grandparents in my life. I was particularly close to my Great Grandma Alice. As I kid, I remember going to visit her when we would go see my grandparents as they both lived in the same town. I typically would see them only on the holidays, so it was only a few times a year. I was fond of Alice because she thought I was special. She gave me the time I needed and the attention I wanted from people. She always took interest in what I was doing in my life and what was going on in my life. Throughout my childhood years, I had this weird fascination with my grandma's skin. You know how grandparents get wrinkles and their skin turns very soft? My grandma Alice had the softest skin I have ever known and I loved hugging her and touching her hands. I was completely amazed that skin could do that with time. It was like putting your hands into a pile of baby powder; that's how soft her skin was. The main thing I always remember about Alice is that she always had gum with her. Not the packs like we can buy at the store but these tiny 5 piece packs (they look like the gum pieces you push out of the foil casing but there are only 5 pieces. They were stacked on top of each other and wrapped up). She had tons of different flavors with her but my favorite was the red cinnamon ones.

Alice knew about my love for music and my interests in butterflies. She also knew that I loved school so very much; I loved learning. She always encouraged me to keep going with school, do your best and she would be there to support me along the way. One particular summer trip to my grandparents, I spent time with Alice. We played games I do believe and other fun things. Before I left to go back home, Alice gave me a gift to take home...They were a pair of butterfly clips that were coated in colored glitter. One was light blue in color and the other was pink. The cool thing about these clips was that the butterfly sat on a hair clasp and with movement, both of the butterfly wings would move back and forth as if it was flying. I thought these things were so precious because they came from my grandma, but they were cool at the same time because I had never seen anything like them before. My sister didn't even have anything like these, so I was super stoked! Grandma said that she got them on one of her many trips to Texas/Mexico during the winter months as she and my great grandpa would travel down south for the winter. She said that she saw them at a little boutique during one of her trips and thought I would like them, so she got them for me...Little did she know that I not only liked them and felt special to have something so cool, but I was completely in love with them. They were and have been to this day two of the coolest and prettiest hair clips I have ever seen...I wore them a couple times during the summer to I think church once or when we went somewhere nice, but I really wanted to wear them to school this coming year (8th grade). They were really cool, and very pretty. I thought that my friends would like them...I thought that this was it, this was going to be a better year and I would finally get to have something that not only was cool and looked nice, but something that finally made me feel beautiful.

It was almost like I was stuck in a cocoon and breaking through those parts of my life, shedding the things that happened in 7th grade to start fresh as a beautiful butterfly for 8th grade. My ideal thought of this personal evolving was a vision I had that was soon trampled to the ground. My beautiful butterfly wings were ripped off and thrown away...

I do not remember exactly when this incident occurred as it was not at the beginning of the year. Keep in mind that I was receptive to bullying before and after these events I have shared, but I am sharing only the ones that were the most dominant, and the most severe. I was all set and ready for my 8th grade year. Hand-me-down clothes, new shoes but I had my beautiful butterfly clips. I had worn one of the clips once before this incident happened and nothing happened, I even got a few compliments on how nice they were...So naturally you would want to wear them again.

I do believe that one of the students who attended the same school as I did and was friends with the girls who picked on me. This girl was killed by a drunk driver in a car accident. The girls' name who died was Regina. The girls who picked on me had no clue that I did actually know Regina, however, we were not friends. I had a mutual friend in common with Regina, but none of the girls who tormented me knew that.

I was sitting in I think Math class or maybe it was Language Arts class? I had worn my hair up in a tightly placed "bun". I made sure that the middle of the bun had an opening so I could place my new butterfly clip in the middle of it. That's how Grandma Alice said it is usually worn. So, I wore my pink clip this particular day (I think it was a few days or a week after this fatal accident happened) and no one had bothered me about it until I was in this class. There was this girl who sat behind me who I will call Sasha. Well Sasha, apparently was very angry that I was wearing this clip in my hair. Apparently, butterflies was Regina's favorite insect and she loved them. This I had no idea about as like I said I had met her a time or two through a mutual friend but I never really talked to her...

Sasha thought that my choice to wear my clip was an ultimate sign of disrespect for Regina. She confronted me about the clip and told me that I needed to take the clip out of my hair. Her words were "You cannot wear that clip because you did not know Regina, you were not friends with her and she would be disgusted to know you were wearing this clip"! The words may be flipped around in a different order from what was initially said, but all of these words were spoken to me by Sasha. I never really had a problem with Sasha before this as she was friends with the girls who picked on me, and at times she would call me a name or two, but for the most part, she never really did anything to me until this day. I told Sasha "No! I am not taking out my clip, I got it as a gift and I don't care about if Regina would be upset or not, it's my clip, I like it, I am not trying to disrespect anyone but I am going to wear it"! That was probably one of the first and only times I actually stood up for myself and said something back.

I turned around to face the front of the classroom, leaving my clip where it was and in a vulnerable state to be yanked out of my hair...Sasha waited I think maybe a whole minute or two and then proceeded to take the clip out herself. She ripped it out of my hair and put it in her pocket. The teacher was not in the room at the time, I am not sure if the teacher went to get something or what was the reason for no teacher in the classroom at that time. Sasha ended up pulling my hair in the process of grabbing the clip...I never did see her do anything to the clip while we were in class. She would not give the clip back even after I asked for it...I do believe she either broke it or threw it away or both...I never saw that pink clip again...I never told my grandma Alice what really happened to them, even as an adult I never told her. When she asked, I told her that I either borrowed them to a friend, or I left them at home and forgot to wear them...After a while she stopped asking me about them...I think I broke her heart because she knew I was lying to her about what happened to them, but I would not tell her what really happened...I felt bad enough, I didn't want to disappoint her too...

A few days later, I had gotten this new pair of blue jeans and a nice light blue shirt. I really wanted to wear the blue clip to complete my outfit...I thought long and hard about if I should wear it or not. Against my better judgment, I wore it to school with my new outfit...That day was the typical day at school...Go to classes, hear a name call here or there, try to get as much homework done in class as possible, and avoid Sasha...That day of the blue clip, for some reason Sasha had not been in class and I had not seen her all day. I thought "great, I can wear it and get through the day without running into Sasha". Oddly enough, after our class Sasha and I would've have together, I left the room to go to lunch I believe and I saw her a few feet down the hall from where I was at. I wondered why she had not been in class if she was in school, but I was kind of relieved that she was not in class, so I didn't pay too much attention to it...In our middle school, the hallways were set up to where the lunch room is in the smack dab, middle of the building...There was a "short way" and a "long way" to get to the lunchroom. Sasha was standing with her group of friends close to the lunch room by means of the "short way", so I decided to walk the extra distance and go the "long way" to the lunch room. I figured if I get in the cafeteria, there are lunch monitors, adults, and surely Sasha and her friends cannot pick on me with adults watching them...

I walked the long way around the back half of the school to get back to the lunch room. My thought was "I'm almost there, as long as I avoid eye contact, she may just leave me alone". My thoughts were short lived when I approached the hallway to the cafeteria. Sasha and her friends moved closer to the long way side where I was coming from and there was no way I could get into the lunch room without passing them...Sasha and her friends approach me. Sasha must have filled them in about the whole Regina and butterfly thing with me because Sasha looked at my "bun" to see if I had another clip sitting there...Sure enough I had as I wore it to school that day with my new outfit...Sasha exclaims "see this is what I was talking about. She had a pink one in her hair a few days ago. Regina would be so mad if she saw this in her hair"! Little did Sasha know that I had met Regina through that mutual friend and Regina seemed very nice and in reality she probably would not care in the least had she been there...But Sasha made sure to let me know how disgusted and distraught Regina would have been had she seen me wearing it. I cannot remember if it was Sasha who grabbed the blue clip and broke in front of me or if it was one of her friend groupies...Sasha was surely there and between her and the three other girls, my beautiful blue clip was ripped from my hair with more force than the first...They stepped on it, when they realized it was metal, they proceeded to break the clasp, and bend the wings off of it and then throw it in the garbage...I just let them do it. I didn't try to stop them, I didn't do anything because I was more afraid of getting beat up. I figured, if they had something else to take out their aggression on, it would save them from taking it out on me physically...

Those girls proceeded to go into the lunch room like nothing happened after they did that. I went to the bathroom to pee and cry. I decided that the one shred of dignity I had left was not crying in front of them. After my episode with the Walkman, I decided that they were not going to have one more thing to control in my small life...I had control over my emotions and they were not going to get that from me too...I never did let them see me cry, not that I think they would have cared or felt bad if they had...But it was the last shred of dignity I had left and I was not going to give it up. After I regained my composure, I left the bathroom and went into the lunch room. The lunch monitor could tell that I had been crying as my face and eyes turn red and blotchy...That lady looked at me for a few minutes, knowing I had been crying and she NEVER asked me if I was okay, if something was wrong? As an adult, I cannot grasp why no one does anything or says anything if they see these things are going on? It's common sense people! I wish that lunch lady would have asked me what was wrong or took the time to see if I was okay...She never did ask and I never did tell...

I have not seen any of these girls with the exception of Sasha and one other girl who I see my Freshmen year and creates another incident for me...As adults, I have spoken with Sasha and she has apologized for the things she did to me growing up. She feels genuinely sorry for doing what she did and I have since forgiven her and I am now a friend of hers and do speak to her on occasion...Sasha shared with me that she, herself was dealing with her own personal demons during those years and although it does not excuse or make what she did to me right, she did share with me some of what she was going through during those years of her life...I now understand why she acted out the way she did, however, it does not excuse what she and her friends did to me as those memories I will have for the rest of my life...I do not hold any anger or hate/resentment towards any of the people who bullied and tormented me growing up...I did through high school and I swore if I ever saw them after 8th grade I would do something about it this time...These girls and all the things that happened to me in those 2 years is what caused me to transfer to a different High school. Our town is sectioned off into North and South for school locations...If you lived on the North side of town, you went to one high school, and if you lived on the South side, you went to a different high school on that side of town...I lived on the North side of town and so did these girls so naturally after middle school, we would all be going to the HS on the North side of town...I had enough of all the bullying and the torment that I begged my parents and the school counselor at North to allow me to transfer to the South side HS so I did not have to spend the next 4 yrs. of my life dealing with those same girls...After much debating and begging on my part, my parents agreed and I was able to finally catch a break from the bullying and try to have a normal HS experience...The bullying was never as bad in HS, but it surely did happen...

Parents, please be mindful of what your children are bringing to school. If they have anything of value, please be careful when letting your children bring those items to school. Not all children suffer from bullying but those valuable things can get broken either by playing recklessly with them or children letting friends play with them...Please also be mindful of how your children act when coming or going to school. If you notice something out of the norm, please take the time to find out what is going on. Chances are, they will not tell you right away but please keep pestering them and asking them what's going on because eventually they will tell you and you then can help them fix the problem.

~Melissa

Musical Sanctuary

Music was a source of strength and healing for me. It was the only thing I discovered in my life that gave me any sort of constant peace or joy. I learned very early in my life that music was an outlet for me. Growing up during elementary school, we were assigned music class. I really enjoyed music class in school and when I reached higher grades when music was considered an elective class instead of a required class, I made sure I had music class. I never learned how to play an instrument, although still today that is one of the things on my "To Do" list is to be able to play the acoustic guitar. I did sign up for choir classes though. I have always loved music; since I was a very small child. I grew up listening to a lot of Country Music and 80's rock as my parents listed to that and that music was always streaming on our radio stations. This was in the years when Rap/R&B was not the most popular music and really was not streaming and dominating the radio stations. There were two female country artists that I was immediately drawn to growing up. Jo Dee Messina and LeAnn Rimes. These two women helped me fall in love with country music but I could also relate so much to their music that I was immediately drawn to listening to them. The musical background being shared is helping you, my readers to understand just how important this aspect of my life was to me and why my experience with bullying tied to music affected me so much...

I wanted to be involved with choir through my school years because I loved music and I loved singing along to songs. I would spend countless hours after school or at night sitting in my bedroom, with my window open, music playing (usually country at that time) and I would sing along to the songs on the radio or listen to my CD's. I would spend a huge amount of time doing this each day/night because it was the only time where I could set aside whatever was going on in my life and get completely consumed within the music. This is something I still do today and I need to have music playing no matter what I am doing whether it is driving in the car, doing homework, writing these blogs or cleaning. Music became my "Muse" and it's still extremely important to me today.

I spent my middle school years (7th and 8th grade) consumed with choir class. I enjoyed school for the learning purposes, but choir class was my favorite. My 7th grade year I had the opportunity to meet an amazing choir teacher. I believe it was her first year teaching at my middle school, but this lady took notice to my desire for music and in a small way fueled my desire for music by inviting me go to with some other students who were not all in my class to go sing at a High school event. I felt so special to be asked to go and it made me excited to know that someone noticed my desire for music in that sense. This lady does not know that she had that much of an impact on me when it came to music and funny thing is as an adult, she is now a friend of mine on the social network Facebook. To this lady who noticed this desire, I honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much it meant to me for you to notice this and invite me to this event. I hope she knows it is her but if it helps for her to know if she is reading this...I still remember all the warm up exercises we did and my favorite was the "Pa-pa-pa"...I then spent all of my high school years making sure I was involved in choir, I also was a part of my church youth group worship team for a few years during those High school years as well. So thank you Mrs. "Middle school choir teacher from North Jr. High". :)

...The reason I shared all of this is because I had an experience with bullying having to do with music. Back when I was in 7th and 8th grade there were no such things as cell phones, Ipods, MP3 players. We had Walkmans and disc-mans. I had a Walkman that I listened to tapes of recorded songs that I would have to record off of the radio stations. I was given a Walkman from my dad one night when he got home from work. He also gave me a pair of headphones and told me "now you can listen to music on the bus or while waiting for the bus". He told me I had to take good care of it and then he would see about getting me a disc-man when he had some extra money. I was so excited that my dad gave me this and I brought it to school so I would have music to listen to while waiting for the bus and just ignore what people said about me...

I was standing outside the front of the school building and I had a couple girls approach me. They pretended to be interested in my Walkman and wanted to know what I was listening to. I told them I was listening to recorded country songs off of the radio station and they told me "Country music is dumb. You should not have a Walkman because you listen to stupid music". I didn't really care what they were saying because I could turn up the volume and essentially ignore them, which I did. A few minutes later one of the girls took my Walkman, yanked open the tape compartment and broke my tape in half, then proceeded to snap the door off the tape compartment and slam my Walkman on the ground which caused it to shatter into pieces. I was devastated and heart broken. I began to cry and immediately I was being teased for crying...

How could I go home and face my dad that day when he got home from work? I had to tell him that some girls were being mean to me, and broken my Walkman. I had to somehow tell him that I was not responsible enough to keep the Walkman safe. I was trying to show him that I could have something nice and take care of it...Now I had to face him and tell him that his special gift to me was broken. Surely, he would not buy me a disc-man after this...That night I told him what happened at school and to my surprise he was not angry with me but angry with the girls who did it and who were picking on me. I do believe at that point my mom called the school the next day and set up an appointment to speak to the principal about what had been going on with the bullying. The principal did little if nothing about it other than to talk to these girls who of course would not admit to any wrong doing or destruction of property.

Those same girls left me alone for a few days to let things settle down. I think those girls left me alone for about a week before they started in on me again. During the week of "sanity" my dad talked to me and told me that since it was not my fault that the Walkman got wrecked, he would get me a disc-man since I had begun buying CD's of my own now. This was during the time when CD's were just becoming the new wave of instant music from the cassette tapes. I still remember the color of that dis-man. It was a Colby, baby-blue in color. I do believe my dad also gave a me pair of new headphones to go with it...I had that disc-man for about two weeks as I was careful to hide it well from those girls and to only take it out on the bus after I was seated down and so were they. I began to also sit in the very front of the bus so I would be in the drivers viewing distance and hoping the bullying would calm down. It did for a few weeks on the bus, but it started back up when other kids, new kids began riding our bus and all the front seats were taken.

I once again was standing outside of the school waiting for my bus to get there. I had been very careful to conceal my disc-man around those girls. This particular day, I had bought a new CD a few days ago and I was anxious to listen to it; so without even thinking, I pulled out my new Colby disc-man and began to listen to it while I waited for the bus to get there. I didn't even get through  a whole song when one of the girls who helped break my Walkman, ran up and passed me, grabbed the disc-man from my hands and took off around the corner of the building. I didn't dare chase after her or tell a teacher because my fear was that it would only make things worse for me...So, I waited until she came back empty handed. I slowly began my walk around the building. I began to see little black pieces of plastic and I started to get teary-eyed. As soon as I turned the corner, I saw my brand new CD broken into pieces...I looked about 30ft in front of me and here I see my prized possession broken into 4 big pieces...I began to cry. I was so angry that I wanted to kick the crap out of this girl, but I knew it was not possible. I had wished so hard for someone to do to them what they were doing to me because I was being picked on so badly and for what? For who I was? What clothes I wore? What music I listened to? It didn't make any sense to me...

That day I did not get on the bus but I walked the mile home with the broken pieces of my disc-man in my backpack. I cried the whole way home. I was so distracted by my feelings and what happened, that I almost got hit by a car...I came right to my dad bawling my eyes out and had to again tell him that my prized possession that he got for me was now in pieces in my backpack...He tried to fix it for me, but it could not be fixed. It was at that moment that he told me that I was not allowed to bring those things to school anymore as it was not fair to have them wrecked by kids who were mean and didn't know the concept of respect for others.

This memory sticks out in my mind a lot because it happened over the one thing I felt no one could take away from me, my music...I began to listen to music even more, with almost everything I did because it was the only thing that brought me any glimmer of sanity from the bullying and I could just be me.

I think that this is also why music is so very dominant in my life today and has been for many years. My genera in music has expanded a lot as I listen to all types of music now and I have the strangest music collection. I still listen to a lot of country music, however, I have opened myself up to other forms of music that I once hated or could not stand such as Rap/R&B and Hip-Hop.

My hope is that no one would ever go through something like this as I did, however, if you have but in the place of the disc-man/Walkman, it was an Ipod, MP3 player or whatever new music technology is available then you know what I am talking about. I pray that no one ever has to deal with that, the humiliation, devastation, and sadness I felt at having those thing taken from me and wrecked for doing nothing to anyone but "being" there...I don't want my readers to think that everything I ever owned got wrecked from bullying because it didn't, however, a lot of those things did.

~Melissa

Childhood Fondation

 

This is the remodeled version of the house I grew up in. This remodel was done after my family moved out of our childhood home. The house originally had two-toned paneling. The top being a dirty gray color and the bottom being a scary version of the 70's dull yellow. Here is a photo of what the paneling looked like before it got completely remodeled...

 

This was the house that became our childhood home the summer of 1992 when we moved in. When we moved into this house Miranda was 8, I was 6 and Heather was 2. We literally walked into a 70's house. I kid you not old wood floored living room, ugly kitchen tile floors, old cabinets as our house was over 100 years old. Each of our bedrooms had different 70's color carpeting. Heather's room had some long, dark brown carpeting, my room had the orange citrus shag carpeting that reminded me of orange vomit. Miranda's room had like baby blue shag carpeting. Our hallway came complete with ugly, worn out green carpeting that reminded me of a hospital lobby carpet, only spinach green.

This house would not be the quote "ideal" house but for my parents it was an affordable 4 bedroom house that was big enough for our family. My sister's and I were happy with the house because before then we were living with my grandparents while my parents closed on this house and before then we were living in apartments with not nearly enough room to run and play; not to mention that we did not have our own space that we could just be alone or with friends if we chose to do so. When I had the incident of bullying on the school bus with Tommy, this was the house I ran home to which was two blocks from where my bus would drop me off...In the top photo of the house, the window on the top left (when looking at the photo) was my bedroom window. That was my small, yet personal sanctuary from the world around me. I spent many days in my bedroom and at times my family would even forget that I was home after I was old enough to drive and had a car...

The next memory of bullying came from kids at school who knew the house that we had lived in and knew that most of the time the house was not spotless but "messy". My mom was and still is a pack rat and the house was always cluttered with junk and things that should have been thrown away a long time ago. When any of us kids had friends come over, we usually brought them up to our rooms because it was quite embarrassing to have such a cluttered and messy house all of the time. My sisters and I did do chores but when they both started to not do theirs when they got older, it fell on me to do my chores as the girls didn't really care to do them or care to get grounded. It was far too much for my mom to do on her own or myself to do and not have my sisters helping. The only time they did house work on any sort of regular basis is when they wanted something whether it was money, a friend to stay the night or to go somewhere...Growing up we also had parents who smoked. As far as I know, my parents have smoked since before we were all born. I later in my teen years started smoking as my sisters did too, but growing up it was also kind of embarrassing having a house that reeked of stale cigarette smoke. Aside from my one childhood best friend that I met at Seberger Park which was a local park about 3 blocks from our house, I was quite embarrassed to have friends come over to our house...

As a result, I attempted to bring a few friends that I did manage to make from school over to play a few times but they were shocked at the messiness of the house as well as the stagnant smoke smell. It grossed me out too and made me feel so bad because I always smelled bad growing up. I would get teased by kids at school because I would always stink like smoke and they would tell me that I smelled of rotten food and that I needed to take a bath. No matter how much I bathed, I could not get the smell of smoke and mustiness out of my clothing. I began bathing each night and soon I was showering each morning instead of before I went to bed. Kids teased me a lot about those types of things, things like the smoke smell which was beyond my control. I would spend countless hours cleaning the house as much as I could as a kid when I had a new friend from school who was going to come over to play with me.

There was this one girl I met in the 5th grade. Her name was Abby. She was like me in a lot of ways and was not the most popular girl in school and some people teased her because she was an early developer. Her body hit puberty early and she developed breasts before most of the girls our age were out of our training bras. :) Those were the days of luxury and no bras... :)

Anyways, I invited Abby over to hang out after school one day of our 5th grade year and her mom finally said yes to her coming over after we had asked her for quite some time...We hung out and just played games, played outside and everything that 5th grade girls do...A few hours passed and Abby's mom came to pick her up. Abby's mom was shocked when she entered our house and saw that it was so cluttered with stuff but mainly she was disgusted at how stagnant the smell of smoke was. My parents smoked in their house, always had done that, so naturally, the house would smell of smoke...But anyways, Abby's mom made some comment about the smell of smoke and then Abby left with her mom. We continued to hang out at school and after a few weeks, Abby wanted to come over again to play. Her mom told both of us that she would not allow Abby to be friends with me anymore and that she could not come over anymore because she did not like her daughter coming home smelling of smoke...I did not understand why we could not be friends as growing up in that environment, I was far used to the smell of the smoke and really didn't notice it anymore other than when someone was actually smoking. I also didn't understand why we could not be friends because of something I had no control over...I was a kid, I didn't smoke, I was not a trouble maker, I was a good kid and really loved school...But because of a choice my parents made, I ended up losing a childhood friend. Abby and I still spoke at school but soon after her mom forbid us to see each other or be friends, we soon stopped speaking completely and I once again went back into my shell of a person with my one childhood friend who came over all the time. This friend's parents didn't mind or notice the smoke because they were smokers themselves...For years I was so bothered by what Abby's mom said and did to dissolve our friendship that I was even more scared to make friends and I never wanted to invite them over either...I also developed this issue of going to friends' houses or spending the night because I felt every one of my friends' parents would tell their kids they could not play with me or be friends with me because I smelled of smoke and because my parents smoked...This fear developed into this huge issue I had for years where I would refuse to spend the night anywhere away from home, not even stay over at my cousins house for the fear of being away from my family...The only place I would be willing to stay was at my grandparents house because I knew I would have fun there and they paid attention to me a lot which was also something I struggled with was finding my place within my family and feeling wanted and accepted by my family...That's a whole other issue not related to bullying at this time, however, I may share bits of that in the future if it ties into an experience of bullying I had went through...

I want parents and adults to know that each choice you make when you have kids not only affects their lives in the moment but also their lives in the future. Please do not ever try to get in the way of a good friendship that your child has with someone. If it is a good friendship and your child is happy and having fun, why would you want to take that away from them? It not only hurts your child but it can cause other issues of doubt and insecurity in the future. Try to preserve those friendships because they are so hard to find good friendships but when you do or your kids do, it can and does mean the world to them. Of course there has to be limits if you feel uncomfortable with something, but then there are alternate ways to ensure your child is not exposed to that...You can allow your child to play with their friend but only at your house and not at theirs so you can monitor what goes on...But please NEVER, EVER take a friendship away from your child if that friend is a good friend. You never know what kind of affects it could have on your child or the friend later on in life. Please also don't speak negatively about anyone in front of your children. Not only is it wrong to do that, but it does get repeated and can be very hurtful to the person hearing it about them. If you feel the need to speak about it, please do so after children go to bed or when children are no where around to hear your thoughts and opinions. Words are the most powerful weapon and they can hurt worse than the sharpest object you could harm someone with...Train your tongue to not speak hate/hostility; instead train your tongue to speak life, value and praise into the lives of the children around you. :)

Riding the Bus

The earliest memory of major bullying that I remember happened while I was riding the school bus home. I was in the 3rd grade and attended the local elementary school. I had been receptive to bullying in the form of name calling prior to this incident, however, this was the first time anyone had ever gotten physical with me and I with them. Back in the early 90's the bus was sectioned off into particular spots for particular groups of kids. The back of the bus when I was in school was considered where the "cool and popular" kids sat. If anyone who was not popular or cool sat in the back of the bus, they were told to move and if they refused, then the kids would pick on and beat up the kids who refused to move out of the seats. Riding the bus was terrifying for me for the most part because I was always picked on by both girls and boys. Throughout my years of being bullied, girls bullied me more, but on this particular day, there was a boy who had been picking on me for quite a while. This boy was a year or two older than I was and I will call him Tommy for identity purposes...

Tommy was one of the more popular or cool kids and he enjoyed picking on kids like me who were not popular and kind of kept to ourselves. Tommy had been saying things to me for quite some time but I had ignored him for the most part. I was taught to ignore people who were mean and not react to them as that's what they look for is a reaction to what they are saying or doing. Over the course of about two weeks that I can clearly recall even today, Tommy would call me names, make fun of how I dressed, what kind of backpack I had and anything of the sort. After those two weeks, I was so sick and tired of hearing the degrading things from Tommy that I finally lost it with him. We were about ten minutes into our bus ride home (which was a total of about 20 mins between all the stops), and Tommy was saying mean things about me and my family. He didn't know my family and just said things for the sake of saying them. I let him just run his mouth and I tried to ignore him until he started talking about my parents...He looked me straight in the eyes and told me that "Your parents don't love you because you are very ugly". He proceeded to tell me "Your mom must be ugly or was a whore and slept with a lot of different guys to make such an ugly baby"! At this point I was on the verge of tears but I was determined to not cry in front of him as that would show to him that he was right...I tried to get up and move to a different seat but Tommy stopped me as I stood up and he proceeded to take his backpack and hit me square in the mouth with his bag that was filled with hard cover text books. He broke one of my front teeth in half and I started to bleed as the chunk of tooth fell into my hand and I started feeling the nerve pain and instantly got a headache...At that moment, I lost my cool and had enough of his crap. Mind you that I am only in 3rd grade (8yrs old), so I looked at Tommy after the initial shock of losing my tooth and I clocked him with a closed fist right in the nose! He began to bleed and by this point there was a ton of commotion on the bus and the bus driver had to pull over and find out what happened. The driver wrote both of us up for fighting and said that our parents would be notified.

After I got off the bus at my bus stop, which Tommy's stop was 2 stops before mine, I ran the two blocks home and as I was crying I told my mom about what had happened and cried because my tooth hurt so bad and it needed to get fixed...About an hour after being home, we hear a knock on our door. It's Tommy's mom and she wants to speak with my mom and she is not in a good mood.

His mom was upset because Tommy came home with a broken nose! I did not know I hit him that hard, hard enough to break his nose until his mom had said so. His mom demanded that my parents pay for Tommy's broken nose to get fixed and all the doctor bills that came with it. My mom was so furious by this request after she and Tommy's mom discussed what happened on the bus (not in a friendly manner mind you) "If you want me to pay for Tommy's doctor bills for his nose that's fine, but then you have to pay for my daughter's dental bills to get her tooth fixed that your son broke"! Tommy's mom was completely appalled at this request and at my mom for suggesting it. Tommy's mom said that she refused to pay for my dental bill to fix my tooth. My mom responded by saying that if she refused to pay for my tooth then she refused to pay for Tommy's nose...In the end, my mom and Tommy's mom agreed to pay for their own kids' bills and that we are not to be near each other on the bus anymore...

Tommy, I feel learned an important lesson that in turn got us kicked off the bus I believe for 2 or 3 days...But Tommy learned to stop bullying me and to leave me alone completely if he wanted his nose to say intact. :)

...Now, I am not promoting fighting by any means but when you tell an adult as I did several times to the bus driver and he told me that he could not technically do anything until he saw Tommy doing something to me, I felt I had no choice but to take matters into my own hands...It should have never gotten to that point. We are supposed to feel safe and protected at school and on the bus...My experiences were never those of safety and protection but fear and tension.

Bullying can and does happen anywhere at any time even if an adult is monitoring children. Kids are sneaky and will find ways to do it and the threat of an adult potentially watching them does not do anything. I feel that each bus should have not only a driver but at least one bus monitor that can monitor what goes on while the students are on the bus. This will not eliminate bullying but it can cut down on how much and how often someone is bullied. But the most important thing to be learned from this experience is that if a child tells you something is being done to them or that something is wrong, PLEASE DO NOT take it lightly because by the time they are coming to you to make you aware of it, the bullying has gone on for awhile now and they do not know how to deal with it on their own without fighting back. PLEASE listen to the children and try to stop bullying before it gets to the physical level.

~Melissa

About Me

Hello,

My name is Melissa. I wanted to write a blog about the affects of Bullying. I know that this is still a huge issue today and most people overlook it or believe that children and teens will simply work it out and that it is normal, that all people go through the phase of being bullied at one point or another in their lives.

I am here to tell you that YES Bullying still happens today and what made me want to write this blog was seeing my 7yr old niece being bullied by the kids in her apartment building. I also recently talked to someone who had a teenage daughter who was getting bullied and asked for people to comment on Facebook about if he as her parent should get involved in the bullying and try to stop his daughter from being bullied. I hear about this topic at least once a day and I see more and more movies and documentaries popping up about this issue and feel that it needs to be addressed and people need to be aware that this is still going on very frequently.

I have dealt with a lot of my own personal bullying from other people through my grade school-high school years. Memories that I wish I could forget, erase and not have to think about any longer or have triggered when I hear about this topic but that is just not the case. I have taken the higher road and never tried to commit suicide from bullying as I did not want to actually die, however, it caused me to have very low self-esteem about myself growing up; I began to become very guarded and distant from people and it became extremely hard for me to make friends.

To give you a bit of background about my life so you can kind of follow along, here are some things to know about my life growing up...

I have five people in my immediate family. My parents are married and have been married for 26yrs. I am a middle child and did experience the classic "Middle Child Syndrome" growing up. I have two sisters; one older (Miranda) and one younger (Heather). When I was growing up, both of my parents worked full-time to provide for us. They both worked in the morning during the week. Miranda was very hard to get up in the mornings and Heather who was only 6yrs was far too young to get herself up in the mornings for school. At the age of 10, I became responsible for getting both of my sisters up for school because both of my parents worked at 7am and left our house around 6:30am to get to work on time. This left me to make sure that both of my sisters were up and getting ready for school after my parents did the initial round of waking everyone up. Most of the time, my older sister did not wake up and I had to use tactics like hitting her with a pillow to get her out of bed otherwise she would not get up. Not the best way to wake her up, but when nothing else works, a pillow will, then you have to run for your life as she chases you down the stairs yelling at you for hitting her with the pillow to get her up...Even though she was angry, she was still up and out of bed...Mission accomplished. :)

Miranda and I would constantly fight over who was going to shower first as I had managed to eat breakfast even before getting her up, so naturally I would want to shower afterwards...It was a losing battle, so I decided to shower in the mornings before I attempted my awesome pillow "alarm" system that seemed to work with her.

Heather was almost always awake during this time once my dad woke us up initially but most of the time I would have to feed her breakfast (if my parents had not done that before they left) and get her dressed and ready for the bus (on the days my parents worked-which for my mom she I believe had maybe one day off during the week if that). Hard to say for sure as I do not remember exactly what they got done as far as that stuff before they left; I just know that I had to make sure that Heather was dressed, fed and out to the bus on time most of the days for school. So essentially at the age of 10, I took on the responsibilities that a parent has for their children. I never felt bad about having to do it, or felt angry for having to do it at that time because it was just how it was, and that's what needed to be done. I was the daughter who loved school and hardly ever missed school. My parents knew that I would be the responsible one and I was...I think that's why I was given so much responsibility was because they knew that I could do it and that I would make sure Heather was on the bus at the right time and that my older sister was at least a wake and had time to shower if she chose to...At that time, it was hard to "make" Miranda do anything she did not want to do, and especially coming from her younger sister, it was so not happening. But at least I was able to get her out of bed every morning for school even if it meant flying down the stairs unsure if I was going to get whacked for whacking her with a pillow to get her out of bed...Lesson learned for her...Get out of bed to either your alarm going off or dad waking you up so you don't have to get whacked with a pillow... :) We joke about it now, but she wanted to "kill" me then...Oops, oh, well. :)

I never made friends easily in school because I was shy and I was also picked on a lot. I came from a family who could not buy my sister's and I name brand clothes or things. Those things were just too expensive and my parents could not afford them. I rarely got "new clothes" as most of my wardrobe consisted of Miranda's hand-me-downs. We did get new shoes each school year but they were not name brand ones, but they looked just as nice and were just as cool. We grew up accustomed to not having the latest "in thing" and we were so happy with the things we had and on occasion when we would get those things for either our Birthday or Christmas as gifts.

All three of us grew up learning the value of a dollar and were taught that if we really wanted something, then we needed to work for it because it's not as rewarding or fulfilling if we get everything we want handed to us. For me, I thought my parents were trying to tell us in a sentimental way that we could not have those things because they could not afford it; which in a sense I know now that they were but I think the valuable lesson is that when you want something bad enough and you work hard enough to get it, you not only learn of the value of that thing you desire but also the value of hard work and the satisfaction that comes when you are able to finally obtain that desired thing.

Growing up, it was hard to not be envious of Miranda because she has a different dad than Heather and I do. My dad has been Miranda's "Father" since the age of 1 when my dad met my mom and stepped in to take care of Miranda as his own daughter. But around Miranda's pre-teen and teen years, her biological dad began coming back into her life a lot. Miranda's dad's family was well off and could buy her all these cool and fancy things. They bought her cool clothes, jewelry and took her on trips(something our family has never been able to do). So when she would come home from a week with her dad and her grandparents on her dad's side, it was hard not to get envious of all the cool and exciting things she came home with. I knew at some point the clothes she got would eventually be mine once she out-grew them, but by then they would probably be worn out or stained and not as cool. Growing up I was envious and wondered why Heather and I could not have those things too. I did not understand the concept of having money, I just thought that everyone got cool stuff and every family took family vacations, but not our family; not because my parents did not want to, it's because we could not afford to do things such as family vacations. A family "vacation" to us consisted of spending the weekend at my grandparents who live about an hour from us or the couple times we managed to make it up North to my Uncle Jimmy's Cabin...

Middle school marked the most horrid years of my life...I will get into that later as I will post each experience of bullying as a separate post unless if they go together, then they will go in the same blog post. During high school, teens are so anxious to grow up and move away from their parents, I was too. I moved out when I was 17yrs old (the summer of my 18th birthday but not yet 18). I did not have the opportunity to take Driver's Ed classes when I got into High school as I was a year behind Miranda and my freshmen year, the district took out Driver's Ed classes. This meant that I would have to pay for driving classes which costs roughly $250 at that time. I did not have that money and neither did my parents, so I had to wait until I got a job at the age of 16 so I could pay for the classes myself. I chose not to pay for the classes as you learn how to drive when you are behind the wheel, so I waited until I was 18 to get my license. My neighbor and dad were kind enough to teach me how to drive at 16-17 so I could get my permit. I bought and paid for my first car and each car I have ever owned.  I had learned very early on that I would have to work my tail off for whatever I wanted in my life. I began my first job at the age of 15 aside from babysitting jobs where I worked the concession stand at a race track during the summer months. My first paycheck job was when I was 16yrs old. I worked my first retail job after school. I have been working ever since.

Since I was so "dependable" and responsible, I was always asked a lot if my parents could borrow money from me. At the age of 17, my parents owed me 1k of their tax return money for money they had borrowed from me to make ends meet during that year...This had been something I could never grasp why they had to borrow money from me and could not manage their finances and because I was more of a push over and a people pleaser, I maintained the peace and gave them the money that they asked for...Something that as an adult today I know how to say no about that and no longer feel bad about saying no to people. I never understood why I had to borrow my parents money as don't get me wrong, they have helped me out financially through my college years; but back then when I had no bills and wanted to save my money, I was angry that I had to borrow them money and at times even today I still struggle with this anger. I did what needed to be done to help them get by as I felt that's what families do and did...

There are things in my life even at 28yrs old, that I still cannot grasp or understand about my past, but the experiences I went through with Bullying and being a push over are two of the things that I have learned a lot about and want to speak up about them and share my experiences as well as bring awareness to this huge issue that is affecting the lives of many people, young, old, all alike. Please feel free to comment and/or share your stories and I will respond back as well as you can read other's responses and respond back and I will post the comments in the comment section. Please no negative comments as they will be deleted and not posted. Please be respectful and know that you are not alone in this. These are my experiences with Bullying...